IN A typically self-effacing column, Piers Morgan describes the moment Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson interrupted a conversation he was having with 'A-list friends' Justin Timberlake, Samuel L Jackson and Pharell at the GQ Men of the Year awards.

' "Evening, Clarkson,' I chuckled.

'Evening, Morgan,' he replied, slightly chastened, as Justin, Samuel and Pharell wondered who this rude, pot-bellied oaf was. I made an eye movement suggesting he move on before my A-list friends had their bodyguards remove him. He did."'

Somewhat belatedly, this appears to have come to the attention of Mr Clarkson, who has since been pumping his Twitter feed with venom directed towards the column's author - a favour that was returned immediately by Mr Morgan.

Inevitably, the fight turned quickly into a willy-waving contest about which had the better viewing figures, Top Gear or Piers Morgan Live.

Still, you could do worse on a stormy evening than watch two of Britain's greatest living egotists go mano-a-mano...