GREAT HOLIDAY VIEW: The view from Kermie's van.
GREAT HOLIDAY VIEW: The view from Kermie's van. Graham Harsant

LIFE WITH KERMIE: Much ado about nothing...

AND before we know it our two-week sojourn is done and dusted, and it's back to the real world where I have to sit down in front of this infernal, glorified typewriter and come up with a column.

It's a bit hard this time around, as I've done absolutely bugger all for the past two weeks.

Sittin' and lookin' is a wonderful pastime when on holiday, but it doesn't give many experiences to impart to you, the reader. Still, I'll give it my best shot.

If there was a downside to our holiday it was that it rained just about every day.

At first I blamed Old Mate, Murphy, but on reflection I realised that the whole east coast of Oz was experiencing the same - caused by a building cyclone up in Queensland.

I figured even Murph wouldn't travel that far north just to peeve me off. So thanks for nothing Queensland.

Beautiful One Day, Perfect the Next? Yeah...nah.

On the flipside it did ensure that we did as little as possible. That is, Rita and I.

Travelling companions, Don and Linda are the epitome of the Grey Nomad - unable to sit still for more than half a day at a time.

Each morning they would announce their plans to head somewhere north or south and asked if we'd like to join them.

Didn't even bother responding with a "yeah”. It was just "nah”.

And that was what made them the perfect couple to go on holiday with. No pressure from either side.

Of course, afternoon drinks were the order of every day and going regularly into the van to get more ice was more or less my only exercise for the entire break.

We'd only been there a couple of days when D and L had to head to Geelong for a friend's son's wedding - a 10 hour drive each way - leaving us to look after their pooch Charlie.

Charlie has been a guest at our home on many occasions and always sleeps on our bed - and always on Rita's side which works for me.

For some reason we swap sides in the caravan and so I "wore” Charlie for the nights they were away.

Why do they call it a queen bed in a van when it's lucky to be a double?

He's only a small dog but jeez, he knows how to take up bed space.

We discovered The Boat Shed just up the road and it became the venue for our morning coffee.

It's a ramshackle old building where nothing is level.

Walls lean in, the wooden floors slope to the water and the coffee is great.

Everyone stops to say g'day mainly because of the pulling attraction of Charlie and fishermen moor up to grab a coffee or three before heading out again to try their luck.

It's easy to while away an hour or two before heading back to do more nothing.

Footy - as in proper footy as in AFL - started while we were away and not wanting to watch it on the ridiculously small screens that are all you can fit in caravans, I took along my projector TV and a 100 inch screen. Way to go, and weren't we popular. Shame about the Blues but good on the Cats.

I posted our arrival on Facebook and received a call from an old primary school mate, Brian Bacon who it turned out, lived just up the road. I may have related this story in the past, but it's worth repeating.

When we were kids, Baco tells me one day that his cat had been run over by a steam roller.

When I expressed my sorrow at this news, he brightly told me that the thing had survived.

From that time on all who knew the story (half of Hooterville) would describe anything relevant as being "flat as Brian Bacon's cat”.

We met up at the Adelaide Hotel in Moruya for a terrific lunch and a great reunion.

Turns out his second wife, Donna looked after my boys in creche. It's a small world.

Before we knew it the fortnight was up and it was time to return home.

Worried about the few drops of coolant on the ground before we came away, I nevertheless decided to "drive the gauntlet” that is the long, steep, winding road from Bateman's Bay up to Braidwood.

Murphy had departed for new horizons because the Territory cruised up it.

Apart from driving wind and rain for most of the trip it was an uneventful drive - and ain't they the best kind?

No sooner home and the phone rings with an invitation from Terry Laffan to join him and Ronnie Graham on a cruise in their trucks up to the Razorback memorial and on to Sydney for the Haulin' the Hume run.

Five days on the road and four nights in a swag.

This is gonna be good folks. I'll tell you all about it in the next issue.

Take care of you, Kermie

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