THEY START SO CUTE: Kids are sweet – then they learn to walk and talk.
THEY START SO CUTE: Kids are sweet – then they learn to walk and talk. Vivid Pixels

Kids, who’d be without them?

AHHHH, children.

Wouldn't be without them, would you?

Those cute little bundles of bouncing joy who pee and poo at all the most inconvenient moments.

The endless hours of rocking to sleep and the crying to be fed half a dozen times a night.

Then, at the end of year one they learn to crawl and walk - and nothing you hold dear is sacred.

About this time they also learn to talk and you have confirmed what you had suspected - that they are demanding little buggers.

Before you know it, it's time to go to school and you think that at least you will get some peace through the day but more often than not the work day is interrupted by a phone call from little Johnny's teacher demanding an interview to discuss his latest misdemeanour.

They take up a sport and you buy all the required gear at great expense only to have them decide it's not the game for them and they want to have a go at something else.

You drop them off at school and pick them up afterwards because of "stranger danger".

You attend parents and friends meetings and join the committee because you irrationally think that it will help your kids and besides, no one else put their hands up for the vacancy.

You help out at the working bees, fetes and sporting carnivals and organise various fundraisers to top up the school library with books, where PlayStation games would probably have been more beneficial.

They head to secondary school and you swear that you will never join another committee - which is a wise move because about this time they hit puberty and the daily, irrational mood changes, along with the resultant stress, leave you in no fit state to organise anything.

Girlfriends come and go and none of them live in the same town.

Apparently the girl's parents don't own a car because it is you who is forever dropping them off somewhere and picking them up after the movie or party long after your sanity-required bedtime.

On birthdays and at Christmas, if you're lucky, you will get a card that states, "I know that I can be a brat at times. Thank you for all you do for me. I love you."

These words are meant to act as succour throughout the rest of the year when you are regarded as nothing more than a slave.

In a conversation recently one of my boys said to my wife who had asked him to clean up after himself, "If I leave a mess and my brother leaves a mess and Dad leaves a mess, aren't we in the majority?

So if you're the only one who wants to keep the place neat and tidy isn't that up to you?"

To those of you who have not yet started a family, think about buying a dog.

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