Nightmare before Christmas:

AMAZING isn't it? With just 12 reindeer under the bonnet, Santa can deliver pressies to all the kids across the world.

Now that has to be one hell of a road train!

Santa's never been booked, either - although it's only a matter of time ...

Cop: Pull over, driver.

Santa: Can you make this quick? I'm running late, my delivery window is very tight.

C: Not my problem, son. Let's see: no lights - don't tell me the red one up front is legal. Red lights are tail lights.

S: You try sticking a light on Rudolph's bum!

C: Where are your road train signs? And long load signs? And wide load signs?

S: But I fly.

C: Don't I know it! Got you clocked at 180. Let's see: lack of signage, speeding and no headlights. We're up to about $4500 already. Plain to see you're overloaded as well. Not displaying a rego sticker, no side lights. Your load's not tied down. You've made my night!

S: But, but ...

C: Let's check out your tyres. Just as I thought - worn to the skids. Open the bonnet. Twelve reindeer power! Your power-to-weight ratio is illegal - and it's leaking from the cylinders!

S: I've never had a problem before, officer.

C: Shut it, son, and blow into this. A-ha! Twenty times the legal limit.

S: People leave me drinks.

C: And doesn't it show! Pull out your log book. Bloody once-a-year truckies think you know everything. You haven't had your mandatory breaks.

S: But I have the rest of the year off to recuperate.

C: Where's your licence?

S: I don't have one

C: All my quotas in one go! This is like Christmas!

S: You've got two little kids haven't you, officer?

C: Yeah. What of it?

S: I know where you live.

C: Threatening behaviour! That's it - take him away boys! Throw him in the cell with that dumb Easter rabbit we picked up for carting fresh produce without refrigeration.

To all you truckies and truckettes - may other road users remember that without you there would be no gifts under their trees. Merry Christmas and take care.